Will Bosworth

Four years ago, my wife and kids went camping to close out the summer. I had an eye infection and thought it would be better to stay home. For my new-found quiet weekend, I had planned to have a bottle of wine: say, half a bottle with dinner on Friday and half on Saturday.

I had spent years up to that point trying to moderate my drinking, like a responsible person. I liked drinking. I liked beer; I liked wine; I liked making cocktails; I liked finding bars where I could ask for a slightly obscure classic cocktail and get a knowing nod from the bartender. Being lightly hungover was a bit of a drag, and being very-hungover had become very inconvenient with my babies around. I was also quite anxious about the long-term health effects of alcohol. Thus, there was alot of self talk in my late twenties and into my thirties: “ok, only have two beers at that party so that you can go out tomorrow as well”. “Harvard medical school says 1-2 drinks a day is ok for men, so try not to have more than 7, or maybe 14, drinks a week.”

I woke up that Saturday morning a bit groggy with a lot less than half a bottle remaining for dinner that night. I was sitting on my couch feeling a little hungover and a little guilty and was considering my options: can I go for an extra long run to sweat it off? Eat a big breakfast? Get a few beers later to make up for the missing wine?

I had gone to the dentist a few weeks prior, and to book the appointment I had to sign up for ZocDoc, some online scheduling system. Zocdoc had just sent me an email the day before:

So I’m sitting there staring at this email spam. “Shoot, Zocdoc, maybe you’re right. Maybe this is it.” I clicked around for some of the popular quit-drinking books. One spoke to me: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I thought it was a little hokey and I was a little embarrassed to have to read it. I wanted to pick it up from the library, but the local library didn’t open until the afternoon and I didn’t want to wait. So, with a sigh, I bought it and ended up reading the whole book in one go. It really clicked. Like, OK, yeah, I struggle with moderating alcohol because alcohol is addictive and there’s all these profiting industries and social pressures that sustain people’s struggles with it. 🤯! I still leaf through the book on my phone every once in while; I really appreciate that it helped me get here.

It’s been four years since I had any alcohol, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself other than get married. (My loving wife chose to stop drinking with me out of support <3.)

I wish I had realized earlier that alcohol is an addictive substance. Maybe it’s obvious to some people. Maybe I should have noticed all of the habitual (and not particularly healthy or fun looking) drinking that surrounded me growing up. But, there’s alot of denial in society about it and some massive financial interests doing their best to obfuscate the fact that it’s an addictive substance. We don’t even call it addiction: it’s “alcoholism”, but what does that mean? Is that just for the dudes drinking tallboys on the sidewalk? Is that where the doctor asks during your checkup how much you drink, you lie a little bit, and then they just nod and move on?

I tried moderation for a long time, but it was alot of work to moderate drinking. Now that I have given it up, I don’t have to count drinks, or plan my week activities around drinking. I don’t have to try not to have more than two beers before halftime, or try to act sober after accidentally having five, or try to be extra patient with my kids on Saturday morning even though I feel like a piece of grumpy, soggy cardboard.

For me, giving alcohol up was such a relief compared to moderation, and it came with immediate and lasting benefits. Here’s some of the good I have experienced. It’s been a really nice gift to myself and my family:

1. I’m a better parent and partner. There’s alot more joy in our life, and I’m happy that I’m checked in for more of it
2. I have a much wider palette of emotions and a much larger imagination about the world.
3. I sleep alot better.
4. The past four years I’ve published four albums of (mostly) acoustic music, and I am part of a very cool band! This is a big part of my life that had gone missing for too long. Although I never stopped playing or writing music, I didn’t finish anything from roughly age 23 to 36. This makes me a bit sad because there was alot there, but it got stuck.
5. I have way more time to do things I want to do. I’ve taken (and finished) classes, I’m in better physical shape, I read more. Getting a new awesome job earlier this year was alot of effort; I am grateful to have had the time and energy to do it.
6. I have more fun at parties/events than I used to, AND I can leave them and still come home and have my own relaxing evening and morning-after. Triple win!